About May, June and July
Dear Imaginary Friends,
How is Summer treating you? I’m reaching mid August without complaining too much about the heat. I took no summer breaks - and I’m honestly quite OK :)
Sorry the hiatus and sorry to say, that this is not going to be an exciting update.
This is going to be quite personal story outside the cute fun freelancer life.
You are welcome to skip this news and in 2 weeks I’m back with cute news. drawings and such!
I thought about skipping this one but I’m the kinda person who likes to know how freelancers deal with big life events in the middle of all happy shine insta/blog life. Besides “this happened and I worked anyway.. here is a drawing of a sunshine”
So, here we go:
May was exciting. June was devastating. July I was on my foot again.
I stopped plans, drawings and got back VERY slowly…. with no regrets. In fact, if anything, I’m proud of myself. After over 13 years of freelancer life perhaps I finally learned how magical it is to take the proper time to heal and love myself.
Also very aware that is not always a $$ possibility. With the months I took off to make my book and my June off, my finances basically put me on a diet! I’m also slowly getting back on that. Still, worth it.
So, if you are up for some rollercoaster drama of a freelancer life, get a drink and l can tell you all about these past 3 months of nothing much to show besides personal growth :)
I’ve got my coffee, It’s Monday, end of a really hot day. I feel like now, around 5pm is when I can actually breathe and listen to my thoughts. My little fan is on. I worked well today so I feel like is a good time to share. So let’s go!
Life is a rollercoaster
For real. You are there having fun and then.. flop! down and turns. Only feels exciting when you did it before or you are now on some kind safe trail again enjoying the view.
As a creative freelancer, to separate your personal life from work is HARD. The routine, sure, you can find a way. Specially with a studio outside home. But if something goes wrong or is life changing exciting, it’s almost guaranteed that you will drop the business ball. And the come back is usually overwhelming. If you have a “normal company job” you might have others to cover for you, your boss permission to some days off… As freelancer, it’s usually just you. You can plan for a rainy day, but we are not always ready for ANY rain when it comes.
Inside studio in May : Working hard on my work
I entered May with confidence and full of motivation.
As my April news, I was feeling on top of my priorities and super proud of my dummy book - my baby! I was with that feeling that you can do whatever you put your mind on. You know the feeling.
My May Highlights:
Made a beautiful plan to get my self promotion in order, sharing my work consistently on Instagram and substack - which I started!
1:1 chat with new champion agent : we made this neat plan for a must must needed folio refresh and improvement. June would be the month to start this clean up! Plus incredible ideas!
Client Work is back! I got booked for 2 books - one for October and one for December, with sales part to be made by July. Busy times ahead!
A cool online picture book class to catch up!
Booked 2 craft market for July to dust off my shop products and activate local network.
Big plans to do more Portfolio Chats on line and my local Creative Meetup monthly group is growing
Finally making time to play and learn more of Procreate.
And was my birthday! I had a full week of cakes, hugs and love!
Honestly, I was crushing this balance between my own projects and clients and setting new directions with my agents! And making time for community too!
and then, outside studio, June happened….
*sensitive content: pregnancy loss*
We got pregnant for 8 weeks. We’ve been on this painful brave IVF journey for over 2 years and that was the first time we saw the positive sign on the test. From May 1st when we did the transferring then see the positive… 8 weeks… of so many hormones, joy, fear, everything in between, to heartbroken ” no heartbeat” in June. I healed but it will always be part of us, like a scar that tells a story of hope.
May started and ended in such high positive energy season! I was so ready for June to consolidate it all. But, the rollercoaster just went down, and June became, sadly, my heartbroken month.
For the first time in ages of freelancer, I had no lust for work. For anything creative. Honestly, I didn’t wanna leave the couch. I cried for days.
Some artists can create art from pain. I’m not one of those. I create from happy moments, all the tiny joys I see around. And also to calm my anxious thoughts. But sadness is a pause. I can’t even lift a pencil. I can do it, but it’s soulless.
So I took 2 weeks off. I plan for 3 days off, then it turned into 1 week and then 2 weeks. After a week I show up at studio for a couple of hours but then I went back to the couch. I let myself disappear. Because that is what I needed. For the first time I was a good boss. I let myself “take the time I need. Really. No pressure. No guilt”
And… the world didn’t end. (can you believe it?!)
I was worried that I would need a month or a year or.. who knows! When 3 days was not enough, I worried for a minute and then I surrendered to be sad couch potato, sometimes physical pain, sometimes emotional pain, sometimes both. sometimes, nothing. I just let myself cry, be hugged and wait until healing happens.
By end of June I re-started with the bare minimum for the client job: I’m beyond grateful I had unicorns to draw during my end of grief time.
And as the says goes, time REALLY heals. One month later, by mid July I had my energy and determination back!
But,did it feel like a year? Yes. It was like a fun vacation time off? Hell no!
I thought I would never be able to get back on business malu from April/May. I lost track of everything… but when I was ready… in July, I just took one step back at the time and nothing was really lost.
Life IS magic. I’m happy to report that I’m back and somehow better illustrator?!
My grief got me lots of self love that not only healed my heart but also in a way end up boosting my confident to create magic. And I am so lucky to be surrounded by love.
A note to my future self: Take the time you need to take care of your wounds. Might take more than you’ve planned but it’s less than you are afraid it will be. And it pays off.
And Back inside the Studio in sunny July
I was slowly back to work in July. And I was busy! I was ready to multitask or be too ambitious. So I stick to get the client work done as cute as I could.
Come back to work and create unicorns and halloween cuties really helped the last healing time.
I will not gonna sugar coat this: there were Lots of work and not much time. But the client (the best) was super nice accommodating the dates as we go, since I started half power at first.
I can’t show anything for boring contract reasons… but just for you that endured this tough newsletter a sneak peek :
My July highlights:
I manage not only one deadline but TWO deadlines! thanks! thanks!
Both were for sales material, with means, a cover and a spread that you make in advance so the publisher can start selling for their contacts before we start the real book later.
Sales material in work numbers:
Unicorn book: 36 spot illustrations + 1 full page + 1 colouring page
Halloween book: 1 cover (around 40 spots ) + 1 spread (around 20 spots)I reviewed my insta plan from May and decided to re-start in August. stay tuned!
My studio space got organised! New found furnitures, more pink, and more space for books! Also organised inside drawers that nobody sees but helped me a lot!
Joined a Craft market organised by local delicious pizza place. One beginning of July and other start of August- both end up being rainy days. Not much selling but made new artsy friends and had cozy chats.
Rediscovered my love for puzzles.
I had drawing dates with a new friend! A drew her dog from pics on her phone.
What’s next:
End of July, after delivering all deadlines, somehow my mind was open to ideas again!
August feels like a fresh start of a new chapter and I cant wait to share more!
The next post will have some crafts, procreate project, sketchbook and ideas!
And the plan to make this bi-weekly still around. But that will be September :)
Thanks for reading!
Happy August everyone!
love and sunny hugs
xx Malu